Some of you may be here because your kids are young and you want to make sure they grow up drug and alcohol free, while others may be here because they suspect or they know their children are using drugs and alcohol and want to do something about it. Even if your kids are young or if they're older, and you know, they haven't used drugs or alcohol yet, this lecture is so important, because there will be a time that you may suspect they're using or drinking or have used in the past. So if you think your kids are using drugs or alcohol, it's important to not overreact. I know it will be instinct to want to yell, scream, get mad, be angry, and those are all very valid emotions and feelings. The first thing you'll want to do is investigate and get your facts before accusing. One of the worst things you can do is accuse your child or drinking or using drugs if they aren't, or if they haven't.
So let's say your child's comes home and they have alcohol on their breath. They're walking a little wobbly, they're slurring the words. pause for a moment. Take a deep breath, and then confront them calmly. You may start the conversation like this, jack. You know, I love you.
I just want you to be honest. I'm not going to get mad right now. And we can talk about this more in the morning. But have you been drinking today? The reason you should say you'll talk about it in the morning is because you never want to lecture your kid when they're drunk or high. It won't end good.
Let them sober up, and then talk to them. At that point, your kid will tell you the truth and you'll have your facts or they will deny it. If they tell you the truth, then thank them for their honesty. follow through with your word. Make sure they're safe. Let them sleep it off.
Then talk to them the next day. It might mean going into work late and then being late to school, but don't put it off. Make sure you talk to them. As soon as they're in the right state of mind. When you talk to them, try to figure out what happened. Try to stay unbiased and calm.
You want to get the five W's and the H from them. Who were they with? What were they doing? When did this happen? Where did it happen? Why did they do it?
And how did they get access to it? Okay, to prevent this from going any further, it's really important to get all the facts. My personal experience and advice is to not punish them the first time it happens, as this usually results in overreacting by both parents head in can push your child even further. And they may even want to experiment more at that point. Instead, have the conversation, find out the five W's. Let them be and take the information you have to tackle the situation.
You can tackle the win by making a simple change in their schedules so that they're not free during that specific time. You can tackle the how, by making sure their source becomes unavailable. If they got alcohol from a friend's parents, you should call them and talk to them let them know chances are they didn't know either. Let's say you find out that the reason they did it the why was because their friends were pressuring them. That's important to know because then you'll know the biggest change you need to help them with is changing their social circle and we're going to talk about that in depth a little later in this course. There's a lot you can uncover from finding out the five W's.
And a lot you can do to make changes to make sure it doesn't happen again. So let's back up for a moment and talk about what to do if your child doesn't admit it. Before accusing them without proof, you'll want to start investigating until you do get proof. And it's important to get that proof so that they can't deny it. Let's say your child comes home with bright red eyes starts munching on snacks and then falls asleep. chances are they're smoking pot.
Again, no need to overreact, but you wouldn't need to step up and maybe search their room when they aren't there. Go through their coat pockets, their drawers, their backpack, read their phone. Some of you may feel uneasy about this like it's an invasion of privacy, but please don't feel like that. You are the parent and you want to raised them to be drug and alcohol free. This is your job and they will not hold it against you forever. They'll understand at some point that this was all done out of love.
Once you find something, some sort of proof, then find a time where you can talk about it. Usually when kids deny it, and then find out later that their parent has proof. They get upset, they might get angry, they might be sad. But the important thing is that you stay calm throughout the whole process. Let them feel the way they do. Let them know you only did this because you care and that you want to talk through it, not punish them.
From there, you can then ease in to the five W's in that age.