You've heard the expression before that emotional intelligence beats. Actual intelligence, EQ beats IQ in many cases, certainly that can be true for many people in their careers. What is emotional intelligence? How smart are you when it comes to managing your own emotions, and understanding and being aware of other people's emotions? That's all it is. It sounds simple, but we're all human beings.
And it's not First of all, everyone in the world gets angry, everyone gets pissed off. But guess what, most people in most offices and most organizations don't like working around someone else who is angry, disproportionately or annoyed or unhappy. So you're going to have to learn to control your emotions. It doesn't mean you have to be a robot and be stoic. But when it comes to negative emotions, being upset, being angry, even a little bit Too much of that in most organizations and most offices is going to be a downer and it's not going to help your career. You got to be highly selective of where what you're going to be angry about what you're going to be upset about.
Because if you're angry all the time, then people just want to tune you out. This shows up in a lot of different ways. Are you someone who when you're angry, you curse a lot or you yell. Some people. That's how they grew up, no big deal for other people. It is it's almost traumatic.
Being around someone who curses on now, I live in New York now, so I'm kind of jaded but I do remember growing up in a conservative traditional household in the south, and being around a football coach when I was in fifth grade, about 11 years old, and for the first time of my life, I'm hearing someone curse It was almost like I was being hit. It just was not something I was used to. So you got to be aware of that. If you don't know everything about everyone you work with, you need to avoid things like cursing. Other things you just need to be highly sensitive to. Every organization's little different.
Every culture is different. Every city can be different. Every country can be different. I work in a lot of countries all over the world. My day job is teaching people how to communicate how to give speeches, and how to speak to the media. And so I have to be keenly aware every country I go to in some countries, it would be rude for me to shake a woman's hand, you kiss on the cheek, other countries you kiss on two cheeks, other countries Believe it or not, it's three cheeks, I've got to look carefully.
Whereas now in certain countries, people of the opposite sex Do not touch it on the test. They don't shake hands. You got to be aware of what the cultural norms are. So you don't violate them in. You don't upset people. Part of emotional intelligence is simply not being selfish.
It's not thinking about yourself all the time. Let's face it, the easy thing. The default position for any human being is to just think about me, me, me. If you want to show emotional intelligence, you have to think about others in your office, in your organization in your industry. And a lot of times that's just about asking them how their day was, how their weekend was, how their vacation was actually listening. A lot of so called Smart people with advanced degrees was why don't have time for that I got my work to do.
Guess what? This is your work getting along with people showing emotional intelligence. is a part of your work if you want to have a career. And if you don't want to be seen as someone who's easily dispensed with, you need to find out what are the names of the spouses and the children of the people you work with? What's going on in their life, you, you may be someone 27 and the idea of having a family and kids may seem bizarre to you. Well, you may have a co worker or a boss, who is 47 and has a kid trying to get into college.
And that's the number one thing they're thinking about in life. You need to find out what are their concerns, I don't mean be a busybody and try to find out everything going on with their life. But certainly if you have a co worker who's on pins and needles waiting to find out if their son or daughter gets into the College of their dreams. Try to find out congratulate them if there's good news, express sympathy if something bad happens whether it's on the college front Or an illness or a death of a close family member. A sympathy card goes a long way, when someone has just lost a loved one, and maybe no one in the office seem to even care. So you got to be emotionally insecure not to be the office shrink.
You don't have to be the inner Oprah for everyone. But listening to other people, finding out about what's making them happy, sad going on in their life. Being connected with them, is going to help you in your career immensely. It's also going to make life more interesting and make you enjoy your experiences with your fellow colleagues in the office and in your organization. So here's your homework. Now, I want you to find out either the birthday or the anniversary of three colleagues.
Make a note and you don't have to go out and get them a big cake but just a simple email, Facebook post, recognizing them on a special day. That's your homework